Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
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HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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