slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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