He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
