After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
