Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Randomize
