Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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