i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize