drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
