I hate all girls vehemently.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
