M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Small penises have feelings too.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
