Christians are straight up FREAKS
My sheets look like a crime scene.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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