the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
