The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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