some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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