i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
