Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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