I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
