it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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