member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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