We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
