She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
