You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
