The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Floor bacon is actually really good
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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