i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
