I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Houston, we have a blender
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
