I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
