9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
