i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
