All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
