Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
