sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
