Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
