would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
