oh god the rape fog is back!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
