and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
