I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he puts the penis in happiness.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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