stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
