Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
