Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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