dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
