dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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