He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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