We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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