He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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