Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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