shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
