Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I need to calm my uterus...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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