sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
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I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
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Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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