does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
