You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
