is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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