hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
