put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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