She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
