is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
