Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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