I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
