Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
