lets start a swedish sibling band together
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
