Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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