I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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