***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i can't believe i had my finger in that
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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