Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
