pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
