I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
