EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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