just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
