Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
