Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
