i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
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Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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