They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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