my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
